WTF!

I think it is disgusting that we have to pull strings & call in favors just to get decent medical coverage! I haven't blogged lately because I am in my own personal Hell here.  I met with my neurologist on Friday for an EMG and then he decided that a brain scan is crucial,  He wanted it done immediately! That in it's self was enough to scare the shit out of me. After several e-mails and phone calls, I was able to get the scan on Monday. Now I am waiting, and it sucks! I have an appointment with him Friday for the results. I usually don't solicit prayers but I am taking all I can get at this time.  He is looking for MS. And to make it worse, I have probably been misdiagnosed all these years.  I have been in bed with a migraine all week & it's a bad one! I'm sure that my effing thru the roof anxiety level is adding to it. IDK....I really don't even have anything sarcastic to say.  So unlike me.  I can tell you that I have raised a wonderful young man who is standing by his Momma regardless of these damn results.  He even told me that if it is a shitty diagnosis, we will get thru it and do what we have to do.  I love that kid of mine. Gotta run and cry and throw up some more....

Really?!

Why do people insist on pissing me off right now?  It's not hard to see that now is not a good time to screw with the ginger! I'm teetering on the edge right now & I pity the dumbass that finally pushes me over! Who raised all these assholes running around with no common sense? I despise morons! I usually get a couple of months in before I want to cut bitches but it has only been a week and I'm thinking a cutting is coming! So I will spell something out here so it is crystal clear... Chuck & I have a joint Facebook page and there is a huge unhappy reason for that. That being said, if something is posted on said joint page, maybe just maybe, you might want to either keep your little cutesy-ass comments to yourself or think about who is on the page. Just saying! Could be Chuck or it could be me and I am definitely your worst nightmare!

What a shitty day/night! I'm in so much freaking pain! To the point where I am barely functioning.  The boy is on standby tonight for an ER visit.  I don't know what is happening but I need some relief! I almost called him at work tonight to come take me on.  My new greatest thing is massive anxiety attacks when these seizure things are happening.  I am not a fan! I really thought that I was having a coronary! Just what I need! FML I have doctor appointments Thursday & Friday so I pray that they can figure this out! I'm so sick of being a medical mystery. I guess the silver lining is that I am such a wreck that I'm not driving myself crazy worrying about Chuck right now.  I truly felt a small sense of relief knowing that he was finally in place. And honestly, I put him in God's hands.  I had no choice. And I felt it was best.  My only long-range goal right now is to not be in a wheelchair when he gets back.  Sad but true.  Aim high!

And another thing... while I'm bitching! I hate folks who want you to fix them, validate them, make them shiny or WTF ever and then when you try to say something that's not putting them front & center, they don't listen.  Stay off my nuts. Get away from me you bottom-feeder. Seriously, I can't fix you and how dare you ask me to at this point in my life! I'm the one that needs help right now.  It's not your turn so back the fuck off Cupcake. Do not make me hate you. Just don't.  Bad things happen when one gets put on my shit list.  Bitches gonna make me blow an aneurysm! K...I need a smoke...and a drink so that's it for now.  Lick it.

Happy New Year!

So I am already a POS & a day behind on blogging! Geez! I can't take all the friggin' pressure! So...truth is I was going to blog last night while all the happy people were welcoming the new year. Blah! Blah! Blah! But what happened was...my neighbor & his bestie were pretty much determined that I wasn't sitting here alone last night.  Which sucked because I really wanted to be alone! Anyway...I let them walk me over to their house.  It was nice. Stayed a couple of hours, drank a few shots (coffee tequila), I left about 11:00pm.  I didn't want to be their when the ball dropped because I was scared of who would try to kiss me! LMAO  When I got home, I checked my e-mail & FB for messages from Chuck.  It was then that I realized that I was a lil too much under the influence to be loose on the internet! I promised that I would only use my powers for good & there wasn't one damn thing good gonna come off of my finger tips or out of my mouth! I just could give a shit less about 2012.  Not gonna be my year...now 2013 is gonna be bad ass! Okay...so I will get to see Chuck for mid-tour sometime in 2012 & Brett will be graduating from Tech school but not much else to get me excited.  I'm not being negative- just honest.

Brett has made plans for us tonight...like I said, role reversal.  We are gonna go to a friend's house & play Quef.  That's right.  I said Quef! Should be Quelf but I am pretty sure the "l" is silent. So until it is go time, I am medicated & on the heating pad. FML... I am happy about seeing friends but I just hope I can get thru it without having a meltdown or a seizure.  Yeah, that's what I am calling this freak episode thing happening with my leg.  These friends are awesome & would understand and not be all fake & shit.  I just want to hold some things inside.  For now anyway.  :)~ 

I've got my black-eyed peas or if you are in OK, cowboy caviar, going and plan on making homemade mac & cheese.  We'll see about that! LMAO No collards or hog jowl being cooked today! That's one part of the tradition that I can't go with! My rules...   My landlord actually said they would fix my fence next weekend! We'll see... Oh! Part of my new year's celebration was coming home to find that the 40mph sustained winds here, took out my rickety-ass, rotten fence.  It never fails...the fit always hits the shan when the spouse deploys. I think it is an un-written rule that they keep on the "high-side" just to keep us spouse's busy.  Yea. total conspiracy theory there! Anyway, I'm trying. God knows I am trying!  Well. It's nap time so I will see ya later! BTW- new laptop keeps making me say the "fuck" word.  If it's an early night, I might get back on here & bitch about it.  If not see ya tomorrow!