WTF!

I think it is disgusting that we have to pull strings & call in favors just to get decent medical coverage! I haven't blogged lately because I am in my own personal Hell here.  I met with my neurologist on Friday for an EMG and then he decided that a brain scan is crucial,  He wanted it done immediately! That in it's self was enough to scare the shit out of me. After several e-mails and phone calls, I was able to get the scan on Monday. Now I am waiting, and it sucks! I have an appointment with him Friday for the results. I usually don't solicit prayers but I am taking all I can get at this time.  He is looking for MS. And to make it worse, I have probably been misdiagnosed all these years.  I have been in bed with a migraine all week & it's a bad one! I'm sure that my effing thru the roof anxiety level is adding to it. IDK....I really don't even have anything sarcastic to say.  So unlike me.  I can tell you that I have raised a wonderful young man who is standing by his Momma regardless of these damn results.  He even told me that if it is a shitty diagnosis, we will get thru it and do what we have to do.  I love that kid of mine. Gotta run and cry and throw up some more....

Really?!

Why do people insist on pissing me off right now?  It's not hard to see that now is not a good time to screw with the ginger! I'm teetering on the edge right now & I pity the dumbass that finally pushes me over! Who raised all these assholes running around with no common sense? I despise morons! I usually get a couple of months in before I want to cut bitches but it has only been a week and I'm thinking a cutting is coming! So I will spell something out here so it is crystal clear... Chuck & I have a joint Facebook page and there is a huge unhappy reason for that. That being said, if something is posted on said joint page, maybe just maybe, you might want to either keep your little cutesy-ass comments to yourself or think about who is on the page. Just saying! Could be Chuck or it could be me and I am definitely your worst nightmare!

What a shitty day/night! I'm in so much freaking pain! To the point where I am barely functioning.  The boy is on standby tonight for an ER visit.  I don't know what is happening but I need some relief! I almost called him at work tonight to come take me on.  My new greatest thing is massive anxiety attacks when these seizure things are happening.  I am not a fan! I really thought that I was having a coronary! Just what I need! FML I have doctor appointments Thursday & Friday so I pray that they can figure this out! I'm so sick of being a medical mystery. I guess the silver lining is that I am such a wreck that I'm not driving myself crazy worrying about Chuck right now.  I truly felt a small sense of relief knowing that he was finally in place. And honestly, I put him in God's hands.  I had no choice. And I felt it was best.  My only long-range goal right now is to not be in a wheelchair when he gets back.  Sad but true.  Aim high!

And another thing... while I'm bitching! I hate folks who want you to fix them, validate them, make them shiny or WTF ever and then when you try to say something that's not putting them front & center, they don't listen.  Stay off my nuts. Get away from me you bottom-feeder. Seriously, I can't fix you and how dare you ask me to at this point in my life! I'm the one that needs help right now.  It's not your turn so back the fuck off Cupcake. Do not make me hate you. Just don't.  Bad things happen when one gets put on my shit list.  Bitches gonna make me blow an aneurysm! K...I need a smoke...and a drink so that's it for now.  Lick it.

Happy New Year!

So I am already a POS & a day behind on blogging! Geez! I can't take all the friggin' pressure! So...truth is I was going to blog last night while all the happy people were welcoming the new year. Blah! Blah! Blah! But what happened was...my neighbor & his bestie were pretty much determined that I wasn't sitting here alone last night.  Which sucked because I really wanted to be alone! Anyway...I let them walk me over to their house.  It was nice. Stayed a couple of hours, drank a few shots (coffee tequila), I left about 11:00pm.  I didn't want to be their when the ball dropped because I was scared of who would try to kiss me! LMAO  When I got home, I checked my e-mail & FB for messages from Chuck.  It was then that I realized that I was a lil too much under the influence to be loose on the internet! I promised that I would only use my powers for good & there wasn't one damn thing good gonna come off of my finger tips or out of my mouth! I just could give a shit less about 2012.  Not gonna be my year...now 2013 is gonna be bad ass! Okay...so I will get to see Chuck for mid-tour sometime in 2012 & Brett will be graduating from Tech school but not much else to get me excited.  I'm not being negative- just honest.

Brett has made plans for us tonight...like I said, role reversal.  We are gonna go to a friend's house & play Quef.  That's right.  I said Quef! Should be Quelf but I am pretty sure the "l" is silent. So until it is go time, I am medicated & on the heating pad. FML... I am happy about seeing friends but I just hope I can get thru it without having a meltdown or a seizure.  Yeah, that's what I am calling this freak episode thing happening with my leg.  These friends are awesome & would understand and not be all fake & shit.  I just want to hold some things inside.  For now anyway.  :)~ 

I've got my black-eyed peas or if you are in OK, cowboy caviar, going and plan on making homemade mac & cheese.  We'll see about that! LMAO No collards or hog jowl being cooked today! That's one part of the tradition that I can't go with! My rules...   My landlord actually said they would fix my fence next weekend! We'll see... Oh! Part of my new year's celebration was coming home to find that the 40mph sustained winds here, took out my rickety-ass, rotten fence.  It never fails...the fit always hits the shan when the spouse deploys. I think it is an un-written rule that they keep on the "high-side" just to keep us spouse's busy.  Yea. total conspiracy theory there! Anyway, I'm trying. God knows I am trying!  Well. It's nap time so I will see ya later! BTW- new laptop keeps making me say the "fuck" word.  If it's an early night, I might get back on here & bitch about it.  If not see ya tomorrow!

Ta Daaaa!

So I really did it! I gave it a lot of thought & asked for lots of feedback and here it is!  My first real blog post! I'm global ya'll!  Before I go any further, I must ask that you keep your arms & legs in the cart until the ride has come to a complete stop. Also, this is MY blog.  If you are all judgey & crap, click out of this now because chances are you will be offended. And I won't care!

My reasoning for this blog is to vent and to avoid going to therapy. I am officially "the one left behind". My husband is enroute to Afghanistan for a 365 deployment which is actually 366, thank you leap year, FML.  We were getting set to retire & they said "Oh hey! This just came down".  To make things worse, I am a gimp. Or what the Air Force likes to call an Exceptional Family Member.  I have more specialists than the law allows and they still can't help me with my pain. Again...FML.  I guess the majority of my rants will be medically related since that is all the hell I am able to do now...go to the doctor.

My goal is to get on here and raise hell every day.  The timing of this deployment couldn't be any worse! BTW- since I am a chronic pain sufferer, I have more reason to whine, curse, cry & be obnoxious.  Those are the rules.  My rules are the only ones that count here.  They are common sense but most of the folks I know don't get it and need a reminder. So there.  And another thing...don't correct my grammar. I know it sucks and again, I don't care. I also ramble a whole lot & again...don't care.  I always dreamed of being a writer, "I'm an excellent writer", and I guess this little ole blog will give me that chance. 

Back to the military portion, since they are the reason for all of this banter.  My husband, Chuck, is a Tech Sergeant with the USAF. I'm damn proud of him. I am his wife but the AF is his mistress so therefore I have the right to bitch about that too.  We are stationed at Tinker AFB, Oklahoma City, OK.  But we prefer to call it "Stinker".  We don't have our follow on assignment yet and since they always screw us in the drive-thru & the fact that he isn't an ass-kisser, we probably won't have it until a month before he is due back in the states. Why? Because we are schlep rocks & that's how we roll. So once again, I am left behind.  My baby is turning 19 in february so this deployment is unlike any other one I have been through. I was explaining it to my aunt earlier & the breakdown is really simple.  When you are a mom & have small ones to raise & deal with, it is easier to hold it all together.  Some might argue this with me but it is true.  Yes it sucks that little ones are missing valuable time with their Dad or Mom, whoever is deployed, but technology has come along way and unless they are at some shit hole with no internet, keeping in touch is a whole hell of a lot easier than it used to be! Little ones keep your head above water so much better than these damn grown kids! With a smaller one, you immediately jump into the 2 parent role. You have the incentive & motivation to crawl your unhappy ass out of bed & take care of business.  Or you should! I do know some that don't but that is their mistake!  They learn what they live & if you sit around and cry & moan, that's what they will do.  You have to do it all and become a single parent and make sure they are okay & surviving this deployment as well. Be a hero to them. They deserve it.  I have learned in 3 days that it might not be all rosey when the kids are smaller but it beats the hell out of them being grown! I don't have a reason to get up. He does all that stuff all by himself! School & work! And the role reversal is odd to me.  My son has always stepped up to the plate when we are left behind. He is a military brat & a southern gentleman! We did good! He has also seen my health declining and it breaks his heart but he does what he can for me.  I wish I could come up with a way to share a conversation of ours with ya'll.  It's a riot! We both have odd, dry sense of humors & at times, we are hard to keep up with.  We like it like that.  Almost like a secret club and we don't like people so no one is allowed in.  So anyway. I'm having a hard time getting my bearings with this one and finding out where I belong.  It's gonna take me a bit but I hope this blog will help. 

I realize that it is almost 3:00am and maybe I should try to get some sleep.  I have huge sleep issues as well as a weird form of Pica so sometimes I have cleaning products out at all hours of the night just going to town! LMAO You would think my house would be clean.  It's cluttered and lived in and that is how we like it. Don't judge me. I will pick this up tomorrow.  It's going to be beneficial I believe!  Thank God Chuck got me a new laptop for Christmas....